I awoke tonight from an unsettled sleep, perhaps worried about the day ahead or the day just passed. What time was it in Africa where my beloved had flown. Was it today, tomorrow? In any case, caught up in the not-now. As my senses slowly focused on the night breeze I heard a coyote barking and calling across the valley. Its call was clear and insistent. It might have been a pup since this was the first week of May. I wondered, how many people could be witnessing this single event, an opera, an aria of intense feelings, perhaps longing, pride or joy. This was a song of short phrases and weighty pauses, allowing the audience to take in each phrase, digest its emotions and wait for the next expression.
I know this pure expression of feeling. Something I can simply express through streaming tears. I want to sing my song, my aria of longing, pride and joy. Perhaps like my friend tonight, I will remember a song does not have to have words, but can come from a heart filled, a stomach empty, a longing unnamed. It is being with full feeling. A heart aroused. A reflection for a still night and sleeping people to dream with - simple experience of voice and night.
This past week I had been singing my own aria of longing, sweet and harsh. When "always" is replaced by "not now", the void, the gap, the emptiness is without words, pure feeling.
(written May 2013)
